What the hey, I'm writing again :)
I really do miss writing - I used to write a LOT about my life when I was studying in Dublin at one point. And I had a lot of friends who actually read them and told me they enjoyed it, even inspired some of them to start their own blog. And now I'm inspired by their blogs to restart again. Oh life and its cyclical-ness. Hence this.
Hello! And welcome back me! So...what have I been up to eh? Unlike my previous blog, I honestly do not expect anyone to be reading this. Only that one special someone knows of this blog and I'm hoping that he's already forgotten about it by now just cause I haven't updated in ages.
Anyway, life has been crazy, especially this last week. The crazy events that took place in the city actually taught me that one doesn't have to be directly involved in the event in order to be affected by it. PTSD, inflicted onto yours truly. Plus it didn't help that I was PMS-ing and stressed about other parts of my life too. ie. graduation, internship, moving, housemate situation, money, job, etc
Fun times indeed.
But for the moment. I just finished watching Smash. And one of the projects I'm stressed about is my musical theater collaboration for which I'm writing the music for. I'm supposed to be all the more inspired but for some reason or other, I'm not budging. I'm not even practicing my piano. Or my vocals. Or my yoga. Or anything, for that matter. In fact I think I'm so stressed out I'm at that point where I don't think I know where to begin or even want to for fear of not being able to complete it? Or that overconfidence of getting it done last minute is getting to me. I hate it when that happens. Rant moment. Hence my attempt at writing my thoughts here in order to hopefully move forward from this point of my life.
Am I succeeding? (And now we are venturing into that meta moment) All I can do is hope. I will probably continue to dance on my bed after this. Perhaps even tidy up some parts of my room. Or better yet, schedule the next 2 weeks I have left of Berklee. Eeckkkk!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
There we go. A virtual Garden State moment where I shout into the abyss to let go of everything off my shoulders. A huge sigh. And a step forward. You can do this! Yea!
Later gator ;)
As a feminist
I am extremely offended when unsatisfactory comments about my weight are made.
Not because i'm sensitive about my body. On the contrary, I have no problems whatsoever with the way that i look. God made us all different and beautiful in our own ways, and i truly appreciate the piece of work that i am currently blessed with. Square or extra-round face, so be it.
The problem here is, im disappointed that you of all people, are one of those who has been brainwashed into thinking that skinny is the only type of perfection there is.
It is sad that the ideal female body of today is portrayed as anorexic looking. I hear girls of all ages weighing less than 50kg still complaining about their bodies. It is unhealthy, physiologically AND emotionally where one ends up NEVER being happy with what one already has. It is superficial and there is definitely more to a person and life in general than that.
So when you make such comments, it only goes to show that it is because of people like you around, that these girls are suffering. The pressure you're exerting on them from this ridiculous expectation. I am fortunate enough to be aware that such comments have absolutely no right to be made. These other girls though, suffer directly because they think that's what other people want too. And sadly, your comment just proved that they're right.
Your apology means little to me as i honestly don't believe that i need it. You do, however, owe it to these other girls. That you do not realize it, is where i take offense.
Not because i'm sensitive about my body. On the contrary, I have no problems whatsoever with the way that i look. God made us all different and beautiful in our own ways, and i truly appreciate the piece of work that i am currently blessed with. Square or extra-round face, so be it.
The problem here is, im disappointed that you of all people, are one of those who has been brainwashed into thinking that skinny is the only type of perfection there is.
It is sad that the ideal female body of today is portrayed as anorexic looking. I hear girls of all ages weighing less than 50kg still complaining about their bodies. It is unhealthy, physiologically AND emotionally where one ends up NEVER being happy with what one already has. It is superficial and there is definitely more to a person and life in general than that.
So when you make such comments, it only goes to show that it is because of people like you around, that these girls are suffering. The pressure you're exerting on them from this ridiculous expectation. I am fortunate enough to be aware that such comments have absolutely no right to be made. These other girls though, suffer directly because they think that's what other people want too. And sadly, your comment just proved that they're right.
Your apology means little to me as i honestly don't believe that i need it. You do, however, owe it to these other girls. That you do not realize it, is where i take offense.
Just sayin
You may have fallen for the happy cheery me, but I have a darker side to me that needs some lovin too. You cant just pick the parts you like and leave the rest to rot by itself.
So honey, let me know now if that other side of me is too much for you to handle and we'll stop wasting each other's time.
So honey, let me know now if that other side of me is too much for you to handle and we'll stop wasting each other's time.
Bahagia
On the bright side, finally finished up lyrics for one of my songs :)
Bahagia
Begitu saja ku di buang
Tak kira bertahun bersama
Ku ditepikan saja
Bagai sarap dan sisa
Yang puas dibahami nafsumu
Moga kau bahagia
Bahagia…Bahagia
Biarlah ku dihina dunia
Sebegini tapi tak pernah
Pula ku sangka yang kau
Yang akan mempermain
Hati dara ku yg teringin-
Kan cinta….cinta
bahagia…bahagia
interlude
cukuplah ku menangis
merenungkan apa yang sudah
masa yg seketika
bila ku percayai
kemungkinan ku kan dapat menjadi
bahagia
Kecai
Once upon a time i swore off love.
Now i remember why again.
32 months and all he can say is "take care".
Ouch.
This is the 1st time in my life i dont feel like eating.
Heartbreak's the most natural diet ever.
No wonder Monica Gellar lost all that weight.
As long as he's happy...
Now i remember why again.
32 months and all he can say is "take care".
Ouch.
This is the 1st time in my life i dont feel like eating.
Heartbreak's the most natural diet ever.
No wonder Monica Gellar lost all that weight.
As long as he's happy...
Alive
One of those rare moments when one is reminded of how alive one is.
Brought upon by all the questions, doubts & fears, and random truly happy moments in between all of that.
I made a mask as an answer to my ethics' class project questioning identity. In which i quoted (anon) that one is most true to oneself when one is alone- hence need not wear any mask then.
But i'm beginning to think that perhaps it's time to stop being such a coward and strip. Be naked. Wear nothing regardless who you're with. Show your stripes in the face of your loved ones. Be true to yourself, and fuck other's versions of your own truth. Own your truth.
And love those who stay around despite it all.
Brought upon by all the questions, doubts & fears, and random truly happy moments in between all of that.
I made a mask as an answer to my ethics' class project questioning identity. In which i quoted (anon) that one is most true to oneself when one is alone- hence need not wear any mask then.
But i'm beginning to think that perhaps it's time to stop being such a coward and strip. Be naked. Wear nothing regardless who you're with. Show your stripes in the face of your loved ones. Be true to yourself, and fuck other's versions of your own truth. Own your truth.
And love those who stay around despite it all.
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